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Wednesday, May 14, 2008 (Mumbai)
Many would say what's in a name? But ask anyone who has grown up in Mumbai and they will possibly say Mumbai doesn't sit well on the tongue.
Bombay is the city they know. But now it seems that Sena is not having any debate over Mumbai or Bombay. It says Mumbai it is. After a long lull, the Sena is back to what according to many it does best - change names. And its present target is its oldest. The Sena has demanded that all remnants of old Bombay be wiped off from schools, institutions and companies. Even the Bombay Scottish school, where Udhav Thackeray's younger son Tejas still studies, was not spared. The school sign was wiped off and the Sena version was stamped over it. Next stop, the barometer of the markets the Bombay Stock Exchange. ''These people are sycophants of the British and the East India Company,'' says Abhijeet Phanse of Bharatiya Vidyarthi Sena. And then, arguably one of the city's best known brand recall Bombay Dyeing, whose mills gave thousands of jobs, mostly to Marathi mill workers, was attacked. And the government, as usual, is walking the middle path. ''We will take a legal opinion whether or not brand names and names of institutions need to be changed,'' says R R Patil, Deputy CM, Maharashtra. Mumbai is the name of this city. But some of its ageless signposts had so far retained their names and their glory. But if the Sena has its way, the city's symbols will have to be painfully rechristened. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TO 'B' OR NOT TO 'B' IN MUMBAI?! Arre Deva! Again this gravely critical problem has cropped up in Mumbai.
Of course, this requires top-priority attention. ‘Bombay Dyeing’ should be renamed as ‘Mumbai Dyeing’, ‘BEST’ as “MEST’, ‘BSES as MSES’, ‘Bollywood’ to ‘Mullywood’ and what else---! Let us also pray that Mumbai doesn’t see any more ‘Mumb-blasts’!
I have a permanent solution for this perennial problem! I feel, all these problems stem from that Big Bad Belligerent Buxom Bulging-Bellied alphabet ‘B’! ‘B’ still stands for ‘British’! Why not totally banish ‘B’ once for all from Bombay, sorry, Mumbai. Just imagine, with a major issue resolved, we can concentrate on other trivial issues like economy, health, education, law and order etc. 'Na rahega 'B'-heen! Na 'b'-hajegi 'B'-hansuri!' ‘Bharan-kaa’, sorry ‘Mharan-kaaa, Mandali!’. See how my brain, sorry, mrain works! You see, Mumbai, sorry, 'Mummai' is very dear to me. I was morn and mrought up in this meautiful city at the coast of Aramian Sea. I say, it is high time we rename this sea also as ‘Maharashtrian Sea’. The sea melongs to us and we would not allow a drop of ‘May of Mengal’ to infiltrate into our sea, mind you! The party workers will position themselves facing Eastwards at Kanyakumari and throw stones into the troubled waters of Indian Ocean!
Right from my ‘Mama Mlacksheep’ days, I had felt and enjoyed the cosmopolitan flavour of the city. There were occasional jolts as in the 60s, as a kid, I had sensed danger in Matunga, which was pre-dominantly inhamited by South Indians at that time. I remember vaguely a morning of panic in the streets. Stones were flung at ‘Southies’. Harmless elderly house-holders going early morning to fetch their quota of rationed milk were cornered and hustled. ‘Maap-re-maap’! They would have been ‘MAD-RASIS’, but they were not in any way ‘BAD-RASIS’! You can push them away, but you can’t push away their contrimution to the growth of the city! Times have changed, but attitude has not! Now, it is poor toiling ‘Miharis’ that are in the ‘hate-net’. They go about their daily livelihood with a constant vigil to dodge flying stones and stinging slaps that might catch them unaware! Goonda ‘Raj’ still prevails in Mummai! I would suggest ‘Mig M’ also changes his name to ‘Amitamh Machhan’!
Mack to this mad second alphamet, which has mecome the mane of our meloved Mummai, I agree that after 60 years of independence, it is high time we shrugged ourselves off the Mritish legacy. They had done irrepairable harm to our collective consciousness and pride. Mut they had also left mehind some masic infra-structure in Mumbai like the local railway network, which is still functional. Uska kya kare? And what to do amout those meautiful stone muildings in VT, sorry CST, Mallard Estate etc.? How can you throw stones at stones? As a swaggering Raaj Kumar would say, ‘Jaani! Jinke ghar khud pathhar-ke hote hain, woh pathhar-pe pathhar pheka nahin karte!’
Mack to this single-most root-cause of all the promlems of Mummai – Is it now very clear to all of you that the main culprit is this mloody second alphamet! Pakdo usko! Mhagao ‘!#&*$%@’ -ko Mummai-se London! Mahut ho gaya amhi! Malaa kaai mhanaaycha, Mumbai-mein rehneka-hai bole to ‘Malasahem’-ko sun-neka-hai! Me calm!
Aap-log meri maat-ko mura mat manna – Kya?
Achha nahin laga to is mlog-ko ‘mull-shit’ samajhke, is ‘mewqoof’-ko maaf kar dena – Kya?!
Mest wishes to all, Jai Maharashtra!
S.V.Nathan. P.S: I have 'dared' to sing in my own voice an old classic Hindi song about the city. If you do not 'dare' to listen, you may mute me! Pardon the shoddy recording and the shoddier voice! (I guess, my singing should be good enough reason to be driven out of any city!!) |
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